“If you tell the reader that Bull Beezley is a brutal-faced, loose-lipped bully, with snake’s blood in his veins, the reader’s reaction may be, ‘Oh, yeah!’ But if you show the reader Bull Beezley raking the bloodied flanks of his weary, sweat-encrusted pony, and flogging the tottering, red-eyed animal with a quirt, or have him booting in the protruding ribs of a starved mongrel and, boy, the reader believes!”
—Fred East
So we’ve talked about how to choose the important details to share in a book, and how to avoid failing “The Warehouse Test” in any scene of your book. But I want to take some time here to point out the difference between what I call “Physical Details” and “Body Details”. This is even more important because a book can have a lot of body details but still fail The Warehouse Test. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that when I talk to my writers about adding details into their books, body details are the FIRST things they add. But they are actually the least effective in terms of being able to see a scene like we talked about in the last newsletter.
So what are “Body Details”? They are actions that the characters are doing with only their bodies. These include things like smiling, talking slowly, furrowing brows, shrugging shoulders, leaning forward, raising an eyebrow, etc. Especially in books by beginning writers, these details can often feel more natural and easier to write, so they tend to make their prose lean very heavily on body details. (As an aside, this is often also why writers talk about how they’re worried about using repetitive language. Often they KNOW they’re having their characters ‘smile’ too many times, but they don’t know what else to add!)
Enter “Physical Details”. Physical details are the details that include the setting, and they are what make the world really come alive for the readers. These are the details that really help a reader SEE the scene, not just the character’s bodies, and not just floating heads. These are the details that make a story come alive, because they focus on showing the readers everything around the characters, instead of just the character’s bodies. These details can almost be placed into the section of setting because they are so crucial to the reader’s view of the scene.
They are also what help eliminate repetition in prose. Why? Because the settings around characters and the things the characters are doing change throughout the book, whereas their bodies don’t. So a character can always shrug (I mean, assuming they haven’t gotten blown up or something!) but they can’t always shove their plate of fries away. So leaning into physical details opens up a whole new world of variety.
Here’s that sample conversation from the last newsletter (or you can go look at the whole post about “The Warehouse Test” here):
“Hey, did you go to the store today?” Theo asked.
Jane sighed. “Of course I didn’t. Didn’t you hear about my day? Or weren’t you listening?”
Theo rolled his eyes. “You always say I don’t listen, but you just weren’t clear if you went straight home after work.”
See how this example does have details, but they are body details? Jane is sighing and Theo is rolling his eyes. They ARE details, but they don’t bring in any of the setting. It’s in that second example when the readers really understand where the characters are and what they’re feeling. Here’s that second example again:
“Hey,” Theo said, dumping his lunch box and keys on the counter. “Did you go to the store today?”
Jane put her phone down on the kitchen table to glare at him. “Of course I didn’t. Didn’t you hear about my day? Or weren’t you listening?” She shoved the chair back angrily and stood up.
Theo eyed her nervously before turning and opening the fridge. “You always say I don’t listen, but you just weren’t clear if you went straight home after work.”
What are the physical details in this revised example? Well, first of all, we can see the setting of the conversation. It’s in the kitchen, not in a warehouse. Second, there are lunch boxes and keys and phones and chairs and refrigerators. Third, there is dumping of keys and shoving and turning away, which helps set the emotional scene.
It is important to notice that there ARE still body details in this scene. There is glaring and eyeing Jane nervously. Body details are often necessary to writing a good scene. But the focus on the physical details, and that’s what makes it strong.
This kind of writing can be built into any scene, though I focus on conversations here because this is where writers most forget details like this. But in any scene, in any page, the kinds of details matter.